Fond
by pepperlandgirl
Summary: Angel says he's only fond of Fred. Could he ever be more than that? Set early Season 3. complete
1. Default Chapter

"Who's Buffy," Fred asked Cordelia quietly. 

"She's…the love of his life." 

"And she was dead?" 

Cordelia nodded. "For the second time." 

"But she got better, huh?" 

Angel was listening intently on the phone, his face alternately shocked and elated. He looked up and caught their eyes, smiled slightly, and returned his attention to the phone. 

"Is he talking to her now?" 

Cordelia shook her head. "No, he's talking to Willow. She's giving him all the details before…she wants him to be prepared." Cordelia faced Fred. "Did you and him talk?" 

Fred nodded and looked down. "Yeah. I think…I think I'm going up to my room. I'm pretty tired." 

"Hey, Fred…I know that this probably isn't easy…" 

Fred backed away, putting space between her and Cordelia. "No, don't feel sorry for me. It was just a stupid, little crush. I'm already over it. See?" She smiled so hard that she thought it would crack her face in two. But Cordy seemed to buy it. She smiled back and nodded, then walked over to Angel. 

Fred took the stairs slowly, too exhausted and drained to move with any speed. If Buffy was alive, what did that mean? Did that mean she'd be coming to Los Angeles? Did that mean they'd be getting back together? What was the nature of their relationship, exactly? Fred thought this Buffy must have been pretty special…

"More special than me, anyway," she muttered as she opened her bedroom door. She fell on the bed without undressing and stared up at the ceiling. She understood, of course. What Cordelia had told her made perfect sense. Angel was fond of her. Angel was her friend. Angel could never be more than because Angel was cursed. And even if he wasn't, he had a True Love, just like in the fairy tales. 

Fred sighed and rolled onto her side. She curled into a fetal position and stared out the window. The view wasn't that spectacular. The bright lights of the city were impersonal and cold, and it never really felt like home to her anyway. She picked this room because of the view though…it looked out to the mountains, away from the city. And it was high. It made her feel like a princess in a tower…sometimes…in her more whimsical moods. 

And she thought maybe Angel would be her prince. He had rescued her, after all…and he was what a prince should be. 

While she was trapped in Pylea, what imagination she had died. She never fantasized about being rescued. She forgot that princes existed. She didn't remember the stories, and she wouldn't have called herself a damsel in distress. There wasn't time for that. She needed to find a safe place to hide, she needed to find food, she needed to be smart and quick, and if there were parts of her that still longed to be just  a girl, she silenced them. 

But now, she didn't need to hide. She didn't need to hunt for food. She didn't need to watch what she said and what she did. And it would be fine, natural, a relief, to indulge in a little fantasy, to have a few dreams, to long for companionship…to think about what it would feel like to be held in somebody's arms, to be caressed and stroked, to be safe and loved and warm… 

And inevitably, it was Angel her thoughts turned to. 

But now, Buffy was back and Angel was fond of her, but it would never be more than that, and there shouldn't be romance in the office, especially not when a curse was in effect. Sorry for the misunderstanding. 

Fred thought the curse was a handy excuse. If it wasn't the curse, it would be something else. She was just good ol' Fred. Good ol' Fred with her books and her theories and her equations. Good ol' Fred, always a super friend, but never much more than that. 

Some nights she was so lonely she couldn't stand it. Some nights, it was so dark despite the city lights, she longed to start a fire in the middle of her room for heat and light. Watch the familiar dancing flames and hug herself. Of course she never did that because burning down the hotel was not a good way to keep friends. 

Her stomach growled. She tried to ignore it, she didn't want to leave the sanctuary of her room, but all the food she bought was down in the kitchen. To get from her room to the kitchen, she'd have to walk right through the lobby. And maybe right past Angel. She glanced at the clock—but then, maybe not. He usually went out this time of night. 

Cheered slightly by the prospect of ice cream covered in hot chocolate sauce, sprinkles, and nuts with a side of peanut butter, she made her way down to the kitchen. She ignored the stab of disappointment when she noted that the entire lower floor of the hotel was completely silent. Angel had left and…it occurred to her that Angel probably went to Sunnydale. Which meant that not only would she not see him again for days, when he came back, it'd probably be with Buffy in tow. 

Fred didn't think she wanted to be around for that. Talk about adding insult to injury. 

She grabbed a large mixing bowl, bypassing the smaller cereal bowls entirely. That evening she had gone to the store, at Cordelia's urging, and bought all her favorite comfort foods. If the ice cream didn't help make her feel better, she'd go out to the Taco Bell around the corner for tacos. They were open late. Angel didn't like her going out late by herself, but sometimes, a girl has to have her tacos. 

"If you eat all that, you'll make yourself sick." 

Fred spun around, clutching her bowl protectively. Her heart jumped to her throat. She just wanted to eat her ice cream in peace and lick her wounds. Because he was fond of her, and there were no hard feelings, right?  "Angel. I…I thought you were out." 

He shrugged. "I'll be going, soon." 

"To Buffy?" 

"We have some things to talk about." 

Fred nodded. "I'm sure you do. A lot of important things to say…and do…will you be staying with her for awhile? I imagine she'll want you there. Maybe for a long time. You'll call if you plan on being away for awhile right? Because last time you were gone, well, you were gone for a long time, and not that you have to check in with me or anything, but you know, I might worry…well, we'd all worry…and I…"

"I'll be back by tomorrow," he interrupted softly. 

"Really?" 

Angel nodded. 

"Oh, Well…I'll just be going upstairs now." 

"Fred…have you been crying?" 

She put a hand to her face, startled. She felt the warm dampness beneath her cold fingers. She didn't remember crying. She sniffed and rubbed her face self-consciously. "No," she lied lamely. 

"Fred, don't lie to me. Is it because of what Cordelia…what I told you?" 

"About us? Of course not. I already said I understood completely, and I do. The curse, right. But you're fond of me, and that's something, I suppose. My ice cream's melting." 

Angel stepped towards her, and Fred instinctively wanted to step back, but she forced herself not to move. She didn't want to let him know that he had upset her. She just wanted to make her escape. 

"Fred…I didn't really want to have that conversation with you…" 

"I know. Cordelia said as much. But we already had it, so you're off the hook. Say hi to Buffy for me…" She tried to walk past him, but he grabbed her arm and stopped her. 

"I don't like to see you upset Fred." He gently brushed her cheek with the back of his hand, and his fingers lingered on her face. She blushed intensely at the contact. She felt so hot she knew her skin must be burning his fingers. She could feel the blush spread throughout her body, and despite the heat, she felt cold too. Chills everywhere. 

She turned her face slightly. His thumb brushed against her lips so lightly that it tickled. Her mouth felt dry, and she hoped he wouldn't stop touching her. But of course he would because he was only fond of her and he had to go meet the Love of His Life ™, and this was just a friendly touch…nothing more. 

Angel cupped her cheek with his other hand and she looked up, startled. He seemed very big, very tall, very broad. Impossibly big. She was so short. She felt as light and small as a fairy, like she could just float away, like he could smash her under his foot, and he could smash her so easily. Angel was always careful, always wary of his own strength, but did he know what he was doing now?

She opened her mouth slightly, words lurking just behind her lips. Another attempt to break away. Or something. He didn't give her a chance to find out exactly what she wanted to say. He bent his head and kissed her lips so delicately, so gently, that she almost didn't feel it. 

Except she felt it everywhere. 

His lips were cool but vibrant against hers. The tip of his tongue brushed hers slightly and pulled back shyly. His hands were still on her face, and she grabbed his shoulder with her free hand. She stepped in closer, and he felt so solid. And real. He was really kissing her. And it felt so good, so needed. Like when she finally figured a problem out after weeks and weeks of thinking and writing and it went _click_ and she knew, and she thought it clicked now. 

Angel pulled back and the world tilted wildly and then righted itself. Her legs shook, her hands were trembling. Angel gently took the bowl of melting ice cream out of her nerveless fingers and set it aside. 

"I…" Fred started, but she didn't know what to say. I what? I really needed that? I want more? I want so much more? 

"I'm sorry," Angel said. "I shouldn't have done that." 

"No! No, I mean, no, don't apologize. Please I…well…I guess I wanted you to."

"I know…that's why I shouldn't have." 

"Oh." 

But he didn't move at all, didn't step back. He still crowded her personal space and made her feel so very vulnerable beneath the weight of his stare. 

"I'm not a prince, Fred." 

Startled, she looked up. Had he been reading her mind? Had she been so obvious? She blushed again, but this time from acute embarrassment. 

"I never said…" 

"I know you never said I was…but I get the feeling that's what you think of me." 

"I don't," she whispered. 

"I'm not, Fred. I don't want you to get some idea of me in your head that's not…" 

"I know who you are." 

Angel shook his head. "No, no you don't." 

"So you're not going to let me get close enough to find out?" 

"Do you want to get that close?" He asked. 

Fred's heart thumped in his ears, her blood thrummed through her body. She understood that Angel was giving her a chance, an opening, and whatever future she had with him depended on her answer. She gravely nodded her head. 

Angel kissed her again, and this time, she kissed him back as much as she dared. She opened her mouth slightly, and he took the invitation. He deepened the kiss and she clutched him desperately so she wouldn't fall. Her ears were buzzing, buzzing, her body was buzzing, and she felt intoxicated. She clutched him to her until she ran out of breath and was forced to break the kiss. 

Much to her disappointment, he took a step back. Away from her. She let her arms fall to her side. 

"I do have to go." 

She nodded. "I know." 

"I will be back tomorrow." 

"Ok." 

"We'll talk more than," he promised. He sealed the promise with a kiss to the forehead, and she wanted to grab him again and make him stay. 

"I'll be here." 

Angel smiled at her. The warmth was back. Flooding her body down to her toes. He turned and disappeared, through the shadows and out the back door. She smiled slightly and grabbed her ice cream. She could still taste him on her lips, still feel his body…she drifted up the stairs to her room and suddenly, the city outside her window didn't seem quite so cold, quite so impersonal. 

Angel was fond of her. Maybe there'd be more than that. 


	2. Chapter 2

Note: Set at the beginning of "Fredless" Chapter 2 

Fred made herself small and watched as the others re-arranged the weapons chest. She had tried to help, but she always seemed to just get in the way. Besides, she liked to build weapons, that didn't mean she knew enough to follow Wesley's strict system of organization. So she was happy to watch and think of Angel. 

They were all on pins and needles, dying of curiosity. Fred wasn't very curious, not in the way they were. She didn't care what they were saying, or doing, as long as Angel came back soon—alone. 

The memories of the night before were still sharp and fresh in her mind, coated with heat and chocolate. She hadn't been able to sleep at all, but she didn't feel tired now. She almost felt peppy. All she could think about was the kiss. The kisses. Plural. He had kissed her twice. 

Her mind had gone off a million different directions throughout the night. Fantasies created fantasies. Desire beget genuine, heart stopping, lust. Oh the dreams she had, and she never fell asleep. Some were pretty wild, and she blushed at the very memory of them. Some were more sedate. Some were down-right innocent—nothing more than what a silly school girl would entertain herself with. 

Fred didn't dare mention what happened to anybody. She didn't know if they would even want to know and it wasn't their business anyway. Besides, Cordelia would not approve, and then maybe she'd have to have another talk with Angel, and Angel would remind her that he's very fond of her, really, but he can't be more than just a co-worker…

Sudden panic seized her. What if that's what he did think?  Maybe he had been suffering from some sort of crazy brain disease. Or he was being controlled by a demon. She didn't know of any demons that possessed vampires and made them kiss girls in dark kitchens on their way to their long-lost lovers, but that didn't mean they didn't exist. There were lots of demons she didn't know about. 

Or maybe when he saw Buffy,  he forgot all about Fred, and the way they kissed, and what he had said. Maybe she should care about what was going on. Maybe she should be curious. Or maybe she should just forget about it…She folded her arms across her chest and sighed. 

"So - now that she's alive again, are they gonna get back together? Angel and that girl with the goofy name?" She hoped she just sounded curious in a friendly, non-interested sort of way. She didn't want to say anything at all about the situation, but she had to know what they thought. 

"Well - Fred - that's a difficult question. I think it's fair to say - no. Not a chance, never, no way, not in a million years, and also 'nuh-uh,'" Wes answered. 

Unfortunately, his answer wasn't enough to quiet the doubt and quell the butterflies in her stomach. "But you said he loved her. And of course she's gonna love him back, because he's so strong and handsome and he really listens when you talk. I-I mean, if you go for that sort of thing, why wouldn't it work?"

"Let me break it down for you, Fred," Cordelia announced. Fred smiled slightly at the following show, but she didn't really understand it. It did make her feel slightly better…slightly. 

"Bite me!"

"How about you both bite me," Angel said, startling all of them.  

Fred's heart lodged in her throat, and she jumped to her feet. "You're back!" Maybe the exclamation was too excited, too desperate, too surprised. 

What happened, they all asked. Like it mattered. Who cared what happened? "Personally, I don't care at all what happened," she announced. _Because you came back, by yourself, and that's all I really care about_. 

"Shut up, Fred." 

"Actually, you know what I need right now?  Ice cream." He looked at Fred with a slight smile. "You wanna get some ice cream?"

Fred's heart stopped and then pounded in her chest, as fast and light as a hummingbird. She didn't expect to talk to him so soon. Not at all. She thought he would want to go up to his room and maybe brood for a bit, or kill things, or talk to Wesley, or well, anything. "I like ice cream," she blurted, senselessly. It wasn't the most intelligent thing she could have said, but it was the truth. 

Fred followed Angel happily out of the lobby. They'd take the sewers to Baskin-Robbins. Fred liked the sewers. She felt comfortable there. With Angel. He didn't talk as they walked through the sewers, but that was fine with her. There'd be plenty of time to talk later. She was happy just to walk with him. 

"So you really don't care what happened?" He finally asked as they neared the man-hole cover. 

Fred shrugged. "Not really." 

Angel carefully pushed the cover away and reached for Fred's hand. She knew that he just meant to help her up. He did the same thing every time they went through the sewers. It was polite and helpful, and he held her fingers for too long. It all seemed to move in very slow motion, and she thought he might kiss her again. 

He didn't. He just held her hand too long and helped her to the surface. He crawled out behind her into the alley—the sun was low enough that he was safe in the shade of the buildings. 

"I think I stepped in something," he muttered, examining the bottom of his shoes. 

She smiled. "Well, we were in the sewers…" 

"Yeah but this is…neon purple…" 

"Demon?" 

Angel shrugged. "Probably. I'll have Wes check it out later…Come on." 

He opened the side door—the door that was meant only to be a fire escape—and invited her to enter with a bow. She giggled a little, and when she walked by him, her shoulder brushed his chest. It amazed her how every little bit of contact thrilled her. She never thought about it before—never wanted to focus on every brush and every bit of contact—but now it seemed like a very big deal. 

Angel put a hand on her shoulder and gently guided her down the hall into the ice cream parlor. Fred's senses were going haywire. Now she was confused. Before the contact had been casual and friendly and _normal_…and maybe this was casual and friendly and normal too. Maybe she was reading too much into it…Maybe she wanted it too much…

"What do you want?" Angel asked. 

"What? What? What do I want for what?" She asked, startled. 

"What flavor do you want?" 

"Um…Strawberry. No. Chocolate. Oh! They have cheese cake!" She pressed her hands against the glass and examined the wide array of flavors. When she saw the toppings, her eyes widened even more. 

"Get a scoop of each," he suggested. 

She smiled. "Oh, I couldn't…well…maybe I could." 

"Waffle cone?" 

"Definitely." 

Angel stepped forward to order, careful to avoid the patch of sunlight next to the counter. The girls made eyes at him. They giggled and tried to flirt, and he seemed completely oblivious to the attention. He just ordered and paid, and Fred wondered how the girls would react if she walked up and put her arm around him, rested her head on his shoulder, teased him a little. Would they be jealous? 

Fred thought they would be. 

"Here it is," Angel announced, handing her the large cone. "Chocolate, strawberry, cheesecake in a waffle cone with sprinkles on top." 

"I didn't ask for sprinkles." 

"I thought you might like them." 

Her smile widened. "I do. What have you got?" 

"Just vanilla." He showed her the single scoop on a small sugar cone. 

"Why just vanilla? It seems kinda strange to come all this way just for vanilla." 

"I really didn't want any ice cream," Angel admitted. 

"What? Who doesn't want ice cream?" Fred licked her cone with relish, gliding her tongue along the top layer—chocolate. She noticed he was watching her, and for a moment, their eyes clashed. She thought she felt a spark leap between them, and suddenly, her ice cream lost its flavor. 

"Here…sit over here, out of the sun." Angel motioned for her to sit down in the far corner, near the escape exit they entered. She took the seat facing the window because she remembered Cordelia mentioning that sometimes the light hurt Angel's eyes. 

Angel studied his vanilla ice cream silently, and Fred moved quickly to stop hers from dripping all over the cone and down her hand. She lapped at it enthusiastically. Her emotions were a jumble and her body a war zone of conflicting responses, but the ice cream held a high priority. 

"It didn't go well," Angel finally said softly. 

Fred looked up sharply, her ice cream temporarily forgotten. "It didn't?"

Angel shook his head. "I missed her but…seeing her again, I didn't…It wasn't like I thought it would be." 

"Oh?" Fred said neutrally. 

"Every time we see each other, it's clear we've grown further apart," he said, and Fred thought he was talking himself, not to her at all. 

"Why?" 

"Why have we grown farther apart?" 

Fred nodded. "Cordy said…" 

"What did Cordelia say?" 

"That…Buffy….was…is…your True Love. But if she's your true love, how could you have grown apart? Shouldn't that be enough to, you know…keep you together? Isn't that what love is for? How can it be like the fairy tales if it's not enough to keep people together?" 

Angel sighed. "It's more complicated than that, Fred." 

"Everything's always more complicated…too complicated. Things aren't complicated Angel, not if you know how they go together. Not if you understand the smaller bits, the way things break down. You have to look at things in pieces and put it all together, not at one big huge picture, or you'll get overwhelmed, and that's when things get complicated…." 

"Fred…" 

"What?" 

"Your ice cream is melting." 

Fred smiled sheepishly. "Oh…right." She licked the chocolate-strawberry stream of melted ice cream off the back of her hand, and then the rivulets off the side of the cone. 

"That strawberry looks good…are there real strawberries in that?" Angel asked. 

Fred tilted the cone in his direction. "Yep, big chunks of them." 

"Maybe I should have got that instead." 

"You can have some…" 

Angel put up his hands. "No, no, that's ok." When he put his hands down again, he rested one casually on the top of hers. 

Fred smiled warmly. The moment didn't last for long though. Angel lifted his head, as though he was listening for something, and just a second later, there was a loud crash as a demon burst from the ice cream cooler. 

"It's a durslar," Angel announced calmly. "Fred…watch out!" 

She jumped to her feet and backed against the wall, just as the demon grabbed for her. Angel brought his chair down hard on the back of the durslar's head and then punched him in the face. He moved to kick the demon's legs out from under him, but it scurried away. 

"It's going to the sewers," Fred shouted, excited. 

Demons were monsters…horrible…they'd crush you, enslave you, destroy you, eat you, and that was if you were lucky. Fred knew what demons could do. Fred's first reaction would be to run the opposite direction of the monster, even if that was into the sunlight and the open where her skin crawled and she felt overwhelmed by all the space around her. But she knew she didn't need to run as long as Angel was with her. Angel wouldn't let any monster hurt her. She'd get to hurt them, for a change. Or watch while he hurt them. 

"Come on, Fred! We can still catch it." 

Fred raced after him, clutching her cone tightly in her hand, out of the building, and down into the sewers. For a moment she thought she would lose him. He was running too fast—his legs were so much longer than hers, not to mention the vampire speed. He'd leave her alone in the sewers, by herself, and she knew the way back to the hotel by herself, but maybe she didn't and…

"Fred. Stop. We'll catch up to it later." 

She skidded to a halt, nearly running into him. "Did you lose sight of it?" 

"Yeah…it'll be easy enough to find. Come on, let's track it." 

"Oh, you dropped your ice cream…" 

"It's ok, I don't really like vanilla anyway." 

"You can still have some of mine."

She expected him to turn it down again, but he didn't. Instead, he gently took the cone from her hand and nudged out a piece of strawberry with his tongue. "It tastes good with the chocolate." 

"Most things do," she agreed. 

"You drank the chocolate sauce right from the bottle last night, didn't you?" 

Fred felt her cheeks turn a slight pink. "You saw me." 

"No." 

Her blush deepened and she felt her heart speed up again. "Oh…Oh, I see." 

Angel stopped and turned towards her. "You sound nervous." 

"I'm not," she protested. 

He rested his hand on her shoulder, his thumb caressing her pulse point—which was hammering wildly. It jumped erratically beneath his touch, and she tilted her chin up naturally. Her hands curled around the lapels of his jacket…The kiss wasn't soft, or hesitant, or gentle at all. It felt like Angel wasn't to taste every part of her, wanted to know her mouth completely. 

Fred wasn't surprised, but she was surprised. The taste of the strawberry lingered in his mouth and exploded on her tongue, and the strength of his kiss, the force of his mouth, made her dizzy and flustered. And it just went on and on, increased, and Fred thought she tasted a hint of desperation. 

He pulled away suddenly, and left her breathless and swaying on her feet. She delicately touched her tongue to her bottom lip—it felt like it was already swollen. Her legs were weak, and her blood turned to lava in her veins. A hunger settled deep in her body—the sort of hunger she felt in those early days in Pylea when they refused to feed her and she didn't know how or where to find her own food. Hunger so deep, so insatiable and it felt like a curse worse than death. There wasn't enough food in the world to satisfy it, and the ache started in her bones and worked its way out. 

"Fred, can you get back to the hotel by yourself?" 

She blinked, not sure if she heard him correctly. "I…yeah. I think so. 128 meters back, eastward fork, 207 meters to the southward fork, hang a right, 12 meters in. Why?" 

"We're near the Durslar's lair. I can hear it, up ahead. Around the bend. You go on, I can take care of it myself." 

"But shouldn't we call Wesley first and maybe, you know, the army?"

"Nah. Durslar beasts are pretty Faulknerian. Lotta sound, no fury."

It sounded reasonable enough, and his words were softened with a smile, but it still felt a lot like rejection to Fred. Like he was…dismissing her. Maybe he was. She just didn't know. 

"Are you sure you don't need me? Because I can stay. I don't mind." 

"I'll be fine," he promised. 

Fred didn't feel like she was fine, and her body was still a twittering mess of excitement and need. She turned around on shaky legs and hurried back to the hotel as fast as she could. She _liked_ the sewers, a lot. They felt comfortable to her. Like home. But she didn't like being alone in the sewers when there were demons lurking around every corner. Demons she didn't know. Demons she couldn't fight because she stupidly didn't bring any weapons. 

"Angel's right behind me, Angel's right behind me," she whispered to herself and quickened her pace. "Angel's right behind me, and he won't let anything happen to me…" 

When she reached the hotel and emerged from the sewer into the sunlight triumphantly, she noted with disappointment that her ice cream had been lost in the excitement. 


	3. Chapter 3

Notes: Set Post-Fredless 

Chapter 3 

Fred's head fell forward as her eyes closed. She couldn't keep them open any more. She was tired…so tired…she just wanted to sleep…Her back rested against the desk, her hair—loose of the ponytails—covered her face and tickled her nose. She hadn't slept in so long, and the day was just never-ending. But now she could sleep and…

"Fred?" 

Her head shot up, her eyes wide. "What? What? Is there something wrong?" 

Angel crossed his arms. "You don't like your room?" There were still specks of white paint on his hand and face. 

"No, no, I like my room. It's great. Very…soothing…" 

"Then what are you doing down here?" 

"I…the paint fumes were making me dizzy." 

"We have other bedrooms," Angel pointed out. 

"Oh, I know. I just like it down here. It's comfortably down here," Fred explained. 

Angel settled down next to her. "It doesn't feel very comfortable." He moved over slightly, until their shoulders and thighs touched. He stretched his legs out in front of him, and Fred noted absently how much longer his legs were than hers. 

"Most people wouldn't expect to find me down here." 

"You're trying to hide?" 

Fred shrugged. She wasn't really trying to hide. But she didn't want to sit in the middle of the lobby, and she didn't want to go into one of the rooms—she didn't feel comfortable just letting herself in even if the room was empty—and the kitchen was much too big, and not nearly cozy enough. But the lobby was well-known and comfortable, and the area behind the desk gave her a measure of privacy. 

"I'm glad you stayed. I didn't think you would leave." 

"I didn't really want to…I mean, I wanted to be with my parents again, but I do think I belong here." 

"So I guess I don't need to rescue you from your cave. You rescued yourself." 

"Maybe but I still…" Fred's voice wavered. She didn't need him to rescue her from the cave any more, but she still needed something from him. 

"Still what?" 

"Still need you," she finished, almost inaudibly. "Would you have missed me?" 

Angel folded her hand in his. He brought her fingers up to his mouth and kissed each small knuckle. "Every day." 

She giggled shyly and ducked her head. She couldn't help it. Lust flooded her body and the tension between them went sky high at the barest brush of his lips. It still felt like it had to be happening to somebody else, because this couldn't be happening to her. Still couldn't be happening to her. She couldn't even remember the last time anybody took an interest in her…she had never been the most popular girl. She had a few boyfriends in college, but they weren't anything like Angel. She never knew anybody like Angel, and she was sure that if she had, they wouldn't have kissed her hand and smiled at her. 

"Really?" 

Angel nodded. "Sure. Nobody else will go with me to the movies, and there's a Dirty Harry marathon next weekend that I'd…Fred, don't look at me like that. I'm just kidding." He kissed the back of her hand again. 

Fred smiled weakly. "Sometimes it's hard to tell when you're joking." 

"I do want you to come with me, though…that is, if you like Dirty Harry." 

"Oh, I'll be happy to go. I love those movies." 

He put one arm around her shoulder, and she happily took the opportunity to move closer to him. She rested her head on his arm, and draped her arm across his chest. She wondered what it felt like for him. Could he feel her heart pound against her ribs? He probably knew everything she was thinking just by the way her body reacted to him. He could hear every pounding heartbeat, every nervous breath, smell her nerves, her slight fear…everything else…

Fred lifted her head and tentatively kissed the line of his jaw. It was all she could reach. His skin felt smooth and clean beneath her lips. He tilted his head slightly, and she kissed him everywhere she could reach. His jaw, his cheek, just in front of his ear, down his neck. Her lips were gentle and quick, landed on his skin and then fluttered off just as quickly. 

Fred pulled herself to her knees and braced her hands on his shoulders. He wrapped his arm around her and held her tightly as she continued to kiss him. She caught the corner of his mouth with her lips, and then tentatively touched it with her tongue. Angel turned his head quickly and captured her mouth. 

Fred kissed him fervently. She didn't have to worry about him leaving, running off to see another girl. They weren't caught in the sewers. They weren't chasing a demon. The hotel was dark and silent, everybody asleep for the night. They were alone and to Fred, it felt like they were in their own little world. 

Her chest was smashed against his, and, in an effort to get even closer, she straddled his leg. He smoothed his hands over her back, and pulled her shirt up high enough to expose a small strip of skin. She deepened the kiss hungrily, and was only absently aware of what he was doing. The way his hands felt on her body was amazing, but she was completely focused on his mouth and his tongue and the way his lips felt. 

Until the back of his knuckle brushed the bare, sensitive skin on her back. She gasped and jerked back at the unexpected touch. Angel didn't move his hand away from her body. 

"Are you ok?" He asked. 

She took a long, unsteady breath, then nodded. 

"Good," he said and kissed her again. 

His hands roamed her back under her shirt, sliding up and down her spine, caressing her ribs. The touch electrified her body, and it made her greedy. The more he rubbed her, the more she wanted. His hands were so strong that they could easily crush bone…crush her…but they felt so gentle. 

The hungry greed for more made her move too fast, push too hard. She tried to move closer and closer until her she was on top of him completely, and even that wasn't close enough. She needed to feel his body, completely. Under her body. Inside of her body. Under her hands. Over her. Everywhere. 

Angel jerked his head away and held her back, his hands wrapped around her small waist. "Fred…Fred we've got to stop…" 

"I don't want to stop." 

He smiled wryly. "Well, neither do I. But I don't think we have a choice." He pushed her further away, until there was nothing but open space between them. 

"Angel I…" She bit her lip, and to her horror, tears clogged her throat. She didn't want to cry again. She had cried enough for one day, one lifetime. And she really didn't know what she was crying about. She couldn't put it in words. But the tears climbed higher and higher in her throat, and she felt like if she so much as breathed, they would flood out of her in a broken torrent. 

"Fred, please, I don't want to upset you. Don't look at me like that…" 

A whole well of emotions bubbled and threatened to boil over. Guild on top of her distress. They thought she had such simple needs. Tacos, and clean walls, and friends, and her parents, and a mission in life. And she did need those things. But that wasn't all. And how could she even hope to explain it? 

"I…I…" She scrambled to her feet and stumbled away from him. She swallowed hard and forced the tears down. "I know. I know. I shouldn't have kissed you like that. I shouldn't have kissed you at all. I know, the curse. And we work together now, officially…I mean, I am working here right? So of course, it would be a bad idea anyway, and I'll just go up to my room now." Her voice cracked on the last word, and she turned to flee before she completely lost control of herself. 

"Fred, please don't cry." He reached out and grabbed her arm before she could move out of reach and pulled her close. "Please, I don't want to…to hurt you…" 

She shook her head. "No, I understand. We can just put it all behind us and pretend it never happened." 

"I don't want to do that," Angel admitted softly. 

"Let me go, Angel," she pleaded. If he held on to her for just one more second, she'd lose that thin veneer of control completely. "Please…" She practically sobbed the word. 

"Fred…Fred…calm down…" 

"I can't calm down. I can't! For five years I was an animal, Angel. An animal. A cow. Nothing more. I had no feelings. I had no future. I had no hope. All my plans failed and failed and failed, and you saved me from that. But I'm not an animal any more, and I don't feel like a real girl either. I feel like I'm in some sort of limbo…purgatory…stuck there." 

"What do you mean?" 

Her façade crumbled and she buried her face in his chest. "I need you." 

"I can't…" Angel started helplessly. 

Her body jerked with a sob. His hold tightened on her, and they stood silently in the middle of the lobby until she quieted. 

Angel kissed the top of her head, his lips lingering in her hair. He inhaled deeply, and his breath tickled her scalp. "Oh Fred," he breathed. 

Her head was throbbing, and her body was throbbing, and her heart was throbbing, and everywhere there was pain. The pain of embarrassment. The pain of rejection. The pain of desire. And it could be fixed so easily. It could all be fixed if only he…

"Not down here." 

Fred looked at him, surprised. "What?" 

He kissed her lips softly. "Not down here," he repeated. 

Angel turned without releasing her and led her up the stairs. She followed numbly.


	4. Chapter 4

Notes: This chapter is rated R. If you are not the appropriate age, please do not read further. Chapter 4 

Fred fell backwards onto Angel's bed and he towered over her. With quick, nimble fingers he unbuttoned her jeans, then slid them down her body. The back of his fingers skimmed her skin as he removed her pants—down her thighs, past her knees, tickling her calves. He dropped the pants on the floor and reached for her shirt. He lifted it over her head easily, and she laid before him, shivering in the cool air, in nothing but her panties and bra. 

She blushed a pretty pink under his gaze. His eyes were dark and heavy. He studied her body for what seemed like hours, and it was all she could do to stop herself from squirming, or folding her arms self-consciously across her chest. She clutched the bedspread, and let him stare. 

He bent and kissed her knee. He skimmed his mouth up her thigh and trailed sweet kisses up her stomach, between her breasts, and finally to her mouth again. Each time his lips touched her body they stirred a wildfire in her blood. While he devoured her mouth, he unlatched her bra and pushed it away. The rough material of his shirt brushed against her nipples and made her shiver with delight. 

Angel's hands were everywhere. She moaned with relief, and he found every single sensitive spot on her body. His fingers traced delicate patterns on her stomach, he cupped her breasts and rubbed her nipples, he dipped his head and sucked on her neck gently, and the small thrill of fear that scattered through her body only added to her excitement. 

She closed her eyes and tilted her head back, opened her body to him completely. His fingers traced the edge of her panties, dipping under the material slightly, and she lifted her hips without thought. He abandoned her neck and moved down her body. He trailed his mouth just above the clothe, across her hips. He hooked his fingers around the panties and slid them down just an inch. He kissed the freshly exposed skin and white-hot pleasure raced to through her body and made her light-headed. 

"Oh…oh…" she moaned weakly. 

He stripped the final bit of clothes and she was left truly exposed to him. A memory hit her so hard that she shook. Being forced to strip completely naked in front of her new master so he could examine her. The…examination…lasted for hours, and she was forced to stand in the room, shivering from cold and shaking with fear, and they all stared at her, pawed at her, invaded her in every way, poked and prodded her, until she stripped of her pride and dignity as well as her clothes. 

Angel noticed her distress immediately, and he laid down beside her and gathered her up in his arms. She curled against him, not crying, but just enjoying the strength of his arms, the broadness of his chest. He stroked her hair and ran his hands down her back. Each touch was both comforting and exciting, and as the bad memories faded, her desire was heightened. She didn't even think that was possible.  

He stood up and quickly undressed. She traced the hard outline of his body with her eyes, the muscles, his broad shoulders, she could stare at him for hours. She had stared at him for hours, imagining what he would look like without his clothes, imagining how he would kiss her and touch her…it was supposed to be impossible, yet, here she was. 

Angel returned to the bed, and braced himself on his arms above her. She arched up to meet him. She wanted to feel his skin against hers. She wanted to feel his body against hers. Her nipples brushed against his chest, and her hands fluttered all over his body. She wanted to touch him everywhere, if for no other reason than she _could_. His arms, his chest, his neck, his nipples, his hips, his thighs, everywhere she could reach. 

Fred was caught up in exploring his body, and she didn't notice immediately when he stopped moving. "Fred…" 

"Hmmmm?" 

"Stop for a minute." 

"Why?" She asked, bewildered. His voice was like a very unexpected bucket of ice  water  dumped on her head. 

"Somebody is outside the door." As if on cue, there was a heavy knocking. 

Fred froze, her blood turning to ice. 

"Angel? Are you still up?" Cordelia asked through the door. 

"Yeah. What's up?" 

"Fred isn't in her room." 

Fred's eyes widened. 

"She's in here with me," Angel responded calmly. "We're making plans for tomorrow." 

Fred's mouth hung open in shock. 

"Oh. Well then, I'm going home now. Goodnight!" 

"She was here the whole time?" Fred squeaked. 

"I guess she's been upstairs." 

Fred trembled slightly, afraid that the moment was over, the spell was broken. Maybe it had been some sort of _folie deux_ and now it was over. She didn't know if she could handle him asking her to leave…

"Do you want me to go?" She asked shakily. 

Angel answered by kissing her, stealing the breath from her body, and making her heart beat so hard, it echoed in his body. Soon, Fred completely forgot about the interruption. In just a few short seconds, he had her at fever pitch again, hot and wet and thrumming. 

He settled between her legs, and she arched beneath him mindlessly. She was more than ready for him. He hesitated though, hovering above her and studying her intently. 

'Are you sure?' He asked silently. 

She nodded. "Are you?" She whispered. 

Angel nodded slightly and paused for the barest of a moment. Fred caught her breath and their eyes were locked together. He slid into her slowly, giving her time to adjust. She was slick and tight and she bit her lip to keep from screaming and waking the whole hotel. 

"Oh god…oh god…" She gasped. 

He paused, but she thrust against him, forcing him all the way inside of her. She couldn't stop the short yelp of pleasure from escaping her, as he pulled out and pushed into her again, pushing all of the thoughts out of her head, pushing all her memories away, pushing away everything bad…

"Quiet," he murmured. 

Fred bit her lip so hard that she thought she would draw blood. She closed her eyes and let the sensation roll over her again and again and again. She focused only on how it felt, and it felt unbelievable. Spectacular. She had never experienced anything  like it before.  Building and building and he moved faster and faster and faster the friction and the heat and the solid flesh above her and soft bed below her like a marshmallow and her breath caught and she couldn't breathe…couldn't….

She opened her eyes and he was still watching her. His face was strained, his eyes flashing gold. They looked like the sparklers she used to play with every 4th of July, waving around in the dark summer nights. He noticed she was staring and he blinked his eyes, looked away, hid his expression. 

"Look…look at me," she insisted. 

He faced her again, but his eyes were clear. She dug her nails into his arms, and her muscles tensed, ready to spring, ready for the recoil. She clenched her entire body around him, and waited for that final push, the final thrust, that would send her spiraling through space. 

Angel rested his head against her shoulder and she felt him inhale deeply. "You're beautiful," he breathed in her ear, and she felt it more than she heard it, and she felt it everywhere in her body, echoing from her ears to her toes, racing through her body like electricity. Jolts zigzagged under her skin, sparked off each other, met again, sizzled and exploded in a rain of gold and red…

She thought she felt him shift against her skin. Thought she felt his ridges and his fangs brush against his shoulder. Thought she heard him growl, but it was impossible to tell because the blood in her ears was so loud. When she finally came back to earth, Angel was looking at her again with clear eyes, his face human and handsome. 

He slowed, stopped, rolled off of her. She frowned, confused, and whispered, "Did you…?" 

He shook his head and laid back against the pillows, his arm covering his eyes. She looked at him shyly—he was still hard and sticking straight up. 

"Why? Don't you…?"

Without a word, he pulled her onto his body. She understood immediately what he wanted and she straddled him, then slid onto his shaft carefully. Bliss radiated in her body as soon as she started rocking on him. He covered her body with his hands, rubbed her nipples, caressed her breasts, and spread his fingers over her stomach.

Fred noticed his eyes started flashing again, gold on black, and she felt another small sprinkle of fear. She wasn't really afraid of him though. She could feel all of his muscles flex beneath her, all of his strength, physical and otherwise, all of the force he used to restrain himself, and that thrilled her more than anything else. 

This time it wasn't his words that shook her body with pleasure…it was his hands. His fingers were everywhere, playing her body expertly, so cleverly, so sweetly. He turned his face away again as she felt the climax building, but this time she caught his chin with her fingers and gently forced him to look at her again. 

He gasped and slammed into her one final time, hitting her g-spot squarely, and sending her into the second mind-numbing orgasm. Angel caught her as he fell forward, and rolled over, securing her snugly between him and the bed. She curled against him, deeply content and exhausted and comfortable. 

He pressed his lips against her temple, counting her pulse as it thudded and eventually slowed to a steady, sedate pace. She didn't want to fall asleep, but she couldn't stop her eyes from falling, couldn't stop the black curtain from falling across her mind. 

Angel reached behind him and turned off the light. She wanted to talk to him, but she didn't have the energy. And he massaged her back, taking the knots out of her shoulders and neck, and that sapped even more of her strength, until she was just a helpless pile of goo. 

"I think I had my moment of perfect happiness," she murmured. 

He smiled against her head, and for a brief moment, it occurred to her that he could kill her in that moment. Suck her dry, and maybe turn her into a monster. She knew the risk the whole time, and how much could you trust a demon? Really? 

"Relax, Fred. I didn't turn into Angelus," he said, his voice soft. 

"How did you…?" 

"Your heartbeat just went wild." 

"Oh." 

For the first time in years, she fell into a sleep so deep, so comfortable, that it was dreamless. The monsters were kept at bay, and she wasn't a person in limbo any more, caught between two dimensions, incomplete in both of them. She cuddled closer to Angel, and smiled softly in her sleep. 

The End.


End file.
